Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Remembering Margaret E. Miller

Sitting in the student lounge of Full Sail University on this Thursday morning, I have so many things to be thankful for. But why does it all seem like a blur to me? I started my morning reading my youngest sister's blog about my granny and I am basically holding back my tears. It's weird, I spent so many days and hours sitting and laughing about absolutely nothing and today it's hard to grasp that she is gone. It has been just over a year since her passing and I'm facing one of the greatest accomplishments in my life because of her. 

Margaret E. Miller, I remember praying for her at a very young age. I prayed almost every night that God would save my mother's side of the family. Growing up in religious home, I learned the concept of "Heaven and Hell," well before my peers. I knew that the Miller side of my family never attended my church, so in my mind, it was the same as them not being saved. The year that my granny came to stay with my immediate family was the beginning of our unique closeness. That's when she had stopped smoking and started attending church. I remember her advising me to stay in school and reach my goals. She made me promise that no matter how sick she got, I would still move to Florida to pursue my Master's Degree.

I feel like I'm trying to summarize all that she meant to me, and I can't begin to explain. A part of me wants to spill all of my hurt and pain out into these paragraphs. I will forever remember our bond and conversations. I can turn the television on and be reminded of the different shows and seasons we would watch together. Even after being diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis, she never stopped her life. She was content with the smallest things; her home, her rocking chair, sitting on her porch, and reading the Flint Journal. I'm still trying to get a hold of that concept of being content, but I feel like I have a long ways. 

After her death, I realized how close she was to God. Her spirituality wasn't this extravagant portrayal of running up and down the aisles or even screaming "Hallelujah" at the top of her lungs. There were letters written to God that were stuffed in her bible. That made me aware that she had prayed for family's needs and her personal struggles.

On November 14, 2010, at roughly 7:00am I remember standing over her feeling her hair. I kept rubbing her forehead and pushing the small hairs back in place. The only things that crossed my mind was to tell her how much I loved and appreciated her. I knew at that this would be the last time that I would see her. I wanted her to be confident in knowing that her grandson was about to grant her wishes and leave her dying side to travel onto his dreams. So now that my promise to her has been fulfilled, I am very proud to look back over the last year and know that I made her smile. 

I can only thank God for allowing her to be a part of my life. So that's all I can muster my heart to do right now... Thank God for Margaret E. Miller.


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